on walks and BBQ chicken

I suppose it has been some time since I last posted on this dear blog of mine, which began when I first decided to stay in San Francisco for a semester, instead of going to Florence, Italy.  Reminiscing on this very fact is humbling, in that the structure of my daily life is much different than it was during the fall 2009 semester.  I have seen many things: many good and some devastating.  The act of "reflecting" is an odd thing that we humans do, but I suppose it is good – to think, that is.  It allows us to know ourselves.  However, as much as we hope that we could know others through this very act, we never can truly understand another.  Or at least right now in this twenty-something phase.

I have been home in the Bay Area for almost two weeks and now that I have adequately ridden the wave of initial excitement of being home, I am beginning to follow the surf to its finish and ease into what I suppose could be considered "the eventual" – the everyday happenings, the simple things, the day-to-day pleasures and struggles.

I have seen some good friends and reconnected with certain aspects of my roots.  For so long I tried to deny my Marin roots due to an anxiety that I would become the "type" of person I saw around this northern neck of the woods.  Having dinner with my family and my brother who recently returned from his first year at college, the graduation wave passed and left me with the simplicity that is living out here.

I just hope I can find what I am looking for out here. I often doubt that it exists by itself.  At most, I have to create it myself, instead of just recognizing that is here and complaining about it.

Walking through Hayes Valley today after finding a pretty slamming parking spot (free! all day!) and meeting up with another recent Wesleyan graduate who has landed a job at Google and is moving to the city, I contemplated on how different walking around the city used to be for me.  I always wanted someone to share my sensory experiences with.  But now, I see that the enrichment that I feel alone in my everyday life as an active and adventurous young lady can be accepted quietly as if in a room hushed suddenly for this inner realization.  I have myself and a connection so in tune with my inner mind + body (or whatever we care to "label" it as) alongside my surroundings that when I do travel the streets alone, I am more than ok.