snow day

Late last night, a little past midnight, I went for a little wander around campus.  Something in my head did not feel as right as it does when I am surely happy, so it seemed like a good idea to venture out into a world of solitude.  While Wesleyan is a spread out campus, especially since the total population is under 3000 students, it is hard to go through campus without the attached social obligations of running into familiar faces and being a real person.  However, going for this walk gave me an opportunity to be completely alone.  At times it was hard to walk around because the snow was coming down so hard and fast that it would fluff up past my knees.  It was a whimsical and beautiful experience, one that I hope I can focus towards my poetry assignment due next Monday.

It has been a hard week or so, being back at school.  Last Friday, my thesis advisor and I had a long discussion about my progress and how I could gear it to be most beneficial for me.  While it was an immensely helpful conversation, it is never easy to hear a mentor tell you that you need to be better.  He cares a lot, which is a good thing.  Nonetheless, it is hard to meet his expectations.  Sometimes I wonder if I will, but I have to keep going.  And I did.  I produced a lot more writing and editing that I am proud of.  The stuff before was pretty terrible and I recognize that.  After all, writing is a process.

Along other things, Professor Schorr denied me from his special topics art studio.  I still do not understand why, but maybe it is because my skills are refined enough - something that I have encountered several times in the art studio department here at Wesleyan.  It is frustrating that he could not recognize my passion and creative energy enough to allow me to be a member of his class.  It was strange, him not letting me in, because he encouraged me to move forward with design.  And I did.  If anything, it was a learning experience.  I did, however, take a great design studio last semester, so I cannot complain about having a less-than-full experience.

Have been listening to a lot of music recently, as I trek through the piles of snow and keep my mind focused on the goals I set forth this semester - to be present in the experience, to graduate, to finish my thesis, and to start crafting my next step in the journey, hopefully a stimulating and creative one.

In the end, we are all alone.


James Delay 'Howl' from Christopher Tirrell on Vimeo.

I like this video a lot because it seems to understand how the mind works, in how it processes what is in front of us, but also the images of memories.